Converts to Judaism are asked to choose a Hebrew name. It’s kinda cool being able to name yourself. I wanted to name myself after Charmian Cohn, a friend of my grandmother’s, her son was friends with my dad, my mom became friends with her daughter-in-law, I was friends with her grandson and she always treated me with such warmth. When I think of her I think of a soft hug and in my heart she’s always been my extra-grandma. Their house always seemed like the epitome of quirky class. Happy memories, and possibly that family was the start of my religious journey, long and circuitous path though it may have been and perhaps remain.
I do have one negative memory. When I was young, almost certainly younger than ten, I went to a party at her house and there was a big bowl of mousse. The only mousse I knew about was chocolate mousse and while I could see it wasn’t chocolate, it had to be a dessert. I took a big helping.
So, worrying a bit that if Charmian had a Hebrew name, I would hate it – I asked her daughter-in-law. It turns out that Charmian didn’t have a Hebrew name. Charmian is Greek-ish and means joy. I thought about Simcha (which means joy), but I didn’t think that suited me.
Then I looked at Chesed – which more or less translates as ‘loving kindness’. Chesed doesn’t always feel like a soft, warm hug – but it can. I also liked that it had the Ch of Charmian and a hard ‘d’ ending of Ingrid, so a nice mix.
I also looked at Ruth, because Ruth is traditional for converts and used by both sides of my family so there’s a link to my non-Jewish path. The Book of Ruth has often been seen as an exploration of Chesed. Plus I am a Southerner and I always kinda fancied a double-name, like Jim Bob or Peggy Sue. So Ruth Chesed is what I chose for my Hebrew name.
Kids say the darndest things
When I told my son what my name would be he said “Chesed? Loving kindness? They don’t know you very well if they chose that for you.” I told him I chose it myself and he was all “What???”. So I said: “It’s aspirational!”
But that isn’t why I chose it, it’s not about me showing loving kindness, it’s about the loving kindness shown to me. It reminds me of my favourite Country and Western Gospel song Why Me (Lord), which with a few changes of the lyrics could be perfectly good in a Jewish context, a modern psalm.
Why me Lord, what have I ever done/ To deserve even one of the pleasures I’ve known?
Tell me Lord, what did I ever do/ That was worth loving you or the kindness you’ve shown?
Kris Kristofferson
Of course, we’re not called to simply receive Chesed, but to give it as well. And I want to find ways to creatively express Chesed and become a better person, sharing light, and pushing away the darkness of fear, ignorance and injustice. That’s why Chesed. And Chesed is also one of those words where sages no less than Rashi or Maimonides grappled with its meaning. I don’t put myself in that class, but we don’t have to be great scholars to wrestle with living philosophy, so that’s why Chesed, too.